Break up, saying goodbye to the person you were once close with and deeply in love with.
We have all been there and we all know how that feels.
We have all had our hearts broken. When it happens to you personally, it’s devastating and while people can relate, they aren’t in that moment. The pain is there and it’s real for you. Sometimes it feels like you’re completely helpless and you’ll never get past the suffering.
The important things to remember are that there are people there for you and that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and ways to help you get there. You have to understand that getting over a break up seems unachievable but it’s just about the matter of time. Here are a few ways to assist you on your road to peace and happiness again.
Consider deleting your ex's number—for now, anyway.
Maybe the two of you said that you'd stay friends. A post-breakup friendship may well happen in time, but "time" is the key word here. Very few exes make a seamless transition into friendship immediately (and if you think you've done it, see what happens when one of you starts dating someone new).
"If the breakup was instigated by the other person, delete their number from your phone, so you aren't inclined to contact them," Lester says. It'll help you avoid the dreaded drunk-dial, and eliminate the impulse to send ill-advised texts.
Let Your Emotions Out.
Cry, sob your eyes out, scream and yell. As long as it doesn’t hurt yourself or anybody else, find ways to release and let go of the pain you may be feeling. When people kindly and humorously tell you all break ups are hard, it’s because they are. Don’t take this part of the healing process away from yourself or it will grow and fester within you. You will naturally feel some negative emotions no matter how easy or hard your break up was. Honor your feelings and know that they will get less intense the more that you let them out. It helps you move past them!
Protect your heart with a social media purge.
Whether you're scrolling through old photos of happier times or hitting refresh on your ex's profile to analyze every update, Facebook and Instagram can be pure poison for the brokenhearted.
"Trying to decode if your ex is happy when he or she posted a picture from brunch is just going to make you feel bad about yourself," says Brigham.
No matter what an ego-wounded ex may tell you, it's not unkind to unfollow them; feel free to block them in the name of mental health. You can also choose to "snooze" a Facebook friend for 30 days by clicking on the three dots in the right-hand corner of a status update, so they won't appear in your feed for a month (you'll still need the willpower to avoid checking their profile, though).
"The same goes for their friends and family," Lester suggests. "If you think it's just going to make you obsess over your ex's every move, mute or remove them from your social media."
Don't contact your ex unless absolutely necessary.
Are you sensing a theme here? Distance is tough, but crucial. Moving logistics and figuring out shared dog-custody is one thing; calling or dropping by to get that one sweatshirt you "need" is another. DO NOT DROP BY.
"It isn't going to help your healing process, and the quicker you can adjust to life without your ex in it, the better it's going to be for you," Lester explains.
Schedule plans with friends.
"In the early days after a break-up, you're likely not to feel great, so try to distract yourself as much as possible," says Lester. "Make plans with friends so you don't have time to wallow."
Book a dinner date with your best friend—and if it turns into an hours-long hang, all the better. If you're the type to neglect non-romantic relationships when you're in love, come armed with an apology (and the intention to never do that again). You might throw your energy into forging new friendships, too.
Before you dash off those invites, remember to strictly stick to buddies who make you feel like the best version of yourself, instead of those who don't. Your heart is like a wounded baby animal right now, and it needs to be pampered!
Find Yourself
Chances are, you lost a piece of yourself in the relationship. Now is your chance to find you again and this can be fun. This is one of the positives to your break up, so embrace it! Maybe you let go of a hobby you used to love to do or stopped taking scented baths. You can eat salad and granola bars for dinner if you feel like it. There are a lot of personal things that made you special, you just have to find them again and get the feeling back. Alternatively, you may have grown in the relationship which means you can discover new things about yourself.
Pay Attention to Your Thoughts
As you look to move forward in your life, don’t deny or grasp on to your ex’s memory. They may pop into your mind as a memory of a moment where you were happy (or not). Acknowledge it, smile or cry. Let the memory go instead of clinging onto it. Don’t intentionally look at pictures or look at old texts you got from him. It’s now about you and your present moments. Your ex is a part of the person you are today and you can be grateful to them for that, but the chapter with them is gone.
Keep it (and yourself) moving with a new workout.
Exercise helps your body get a shot of mood-lifting endorphins and serotonin (you can listen to that breakup playlist while you work out!). And if you've never had a fitness regimen before now, that's okay: A recent study suggests that starting today can still yield major benefits, including a lower risk of heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and early death. Besides, it's difficult, if not impossible, to weep your way through an entire Zumba class.
Travel and explore new places.
Enter a new headspace by exploring a new location. It doesn't need to be a lavish, Eat, Pray, Love-style solo trip, either: Start by switching up your route home, or check out a restaurant the two of you never went to.
"When you're in a relationship, it's easy to get stuck hanging out in the same places, doing the same things," Brigham points out. "Push yourself to explore parts of the city you've never been in, or take a weekend trip by yourself to somewhere you've been meaning to visit but haven't had the time."
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